Why Having a POSITIVE Support System Matters

There are a lot of cliché sayings in the world… Having heard so many of them, I've begun to lose sight of any meaning behind them.

I’ve been struggling with a lot more than just my weight or my motivation in the gym for the last year, and if I can’t write it out here, what is the purpose of this blog? What is the purpose of having this forum of expression and ability to share things with people who might be feeling lost/scared or any of the similar emotions I am?

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Blue is not (traditionally) my color. There have been other factors that have led to my decreasing motivation for the gym and eating proper, and this has cast a light on how important a positive support system is. Not only do they remind you who you are when you’ve forgotten, they most DEFINITELY remind you of why moving forward can be daunting, but with one step at a time, it’s possible.

“I just need to work on myself right now.”

That's what this whole thing is about - working on yourself, making yourself the best version to move with positivity and growth in this life. Oh man, how after-school special do I sound right now?

I think the single most influential aspect of health and fitness is having people that are for you just as much as you are. If you don't have people that cheer you on, you might lose the will or the fighting drive after some time.

I call it having an "accountabili-buddy"

I have been dabbling in this blogging world for roughly seven months now, and I've learned a few things. I've been networking and trying to promote this little project of mine, and have gained a couple special connections with fellow bloggers. One of which is an online and in-person fitness trainer named Christian Scott. 

"I need someone who challenges me"

This Oklahoma City woman can do it all - not only is she an ACE Certified Personal Trainer, she is a Zumba instructor, fitness blogger and mother! I know how busy I am, and can't even imagine her schedule. Since connecting with her, I wanted to try out her program, and she gave me a schedule of work outs over the course of four weeks, in preparation for my ten year reunion. She checked in with me over the course of those four weeks, and kept me accountable - exactly what I needed! Her program is mostly HIIT (high-intensity interval training) moves, varying from 40 seconds of work with 20 seconds rest sets with kettle bells, ab work and weight lifting mixed in - the best way to maximize the fat loss while keeping your heart rate in it's best zone. 

Christian Scott, ACE CPT •Lifestyle &Fitness Blogger•
www.lifestylefitnesscs.com

I had 3 planned workouts per week, with an additional 2 days of my own planning, making it a total of 5 days of activity per week. As long as I was active for 30 minutes on those 'rest' days, then I could choose whatever activity I wanted to do outside of her plan. I have to say, I don't think I've EVER sweat that much during a 30-minute workout... I felt like I'd walked out of the shower with how drenched I was! At my last check in I found that in my month of her program

I've lost two inches to my waist and three to my hips!

Check out her website HERE for other plans and pricing - my one month work out was valued at $65/month - SUCH a deal! Right now, she's got a sale going on from November 24th (Thanksgiving) until the 27th for 50% off ALL online training! Check it out HERE - no code required! You can get the same deal I had for half price! 

Follow her HERE on Instagram too - she always posts great shots of her clothing, Zumba classes, or motivational quotes. It's a good deal her responsibility that I've been getting back in action these past six weeks! It's made me re-evaluate why I've slowed. 

I miss my gym-buddy! 

Doctors and fitness minded individuals alike state that teammates or coaches, or simply friends who say 'good job!' are pivotal in the success of your journey. I know, I know - everyone calls this a journey (I've seen that word so many times, I think it's starting to look misspelled)! But it's true! I read a quote from an article that reminded me of a time when I was my most motivated self, and it was all the power of having a gym buddy!

“In my 10 years of experience evaluating what creates long-term health-and-fitness success, the single most important factor is having a support system,” says Wayne Andersen, MD. Exercise partners provide a powerful combination of support, accountability, motivation and, in some cases, healthy competition. “They can play the role of teammate, co-coach and cheerleader — all while working out,” says Michelle P. Maidenberg, PhD." - Strength in Numbers: The Importance of Fitness Buddies

So wait - WHY DOES IT WORK?

Habit Reliability 

Exercise habits of people you know have a positive influence on your exercise habits. IF they have the same habits, or similar goals to your own. If your accountabili-buddy is at a radically different level of health, fitness or ability, you could be held back, pushed too hard or - worst case - injured. “Having a reliable workout buddy increases your chances of sticking with your program,” says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD. Pushing yourself beyond your perceived mental ability is tough if you're alone in the gym, and it's also difficult to increase your weight without a spotter to keep you progressing.

Emotional benefits

Kara Thom, coauthor of Hot (Sweaty) Mamas: Five Secrets to Life as a Fit Mom, says that “during a workout, more than our pores open up. We find ourselves connecting with our workout buddies more intimately than we might if we were just meeting over coffee. Workout partners not only get us through a challenging workout, but can help us through life challenges as well.”

The more people you have actively engaged in supporting your fitness efforts the more likely you all are to enjoy the process as well as the results. 

No-friggin-wonder I've been lagging lately (aside from poor choices in diet slowing me down)! I have a boyfriend who doesn't find fitness as important as I do - and that's perfectly okay, I just need to get into my habit again and find an accountabili-buddy again (Kasey, I miss you!). 

How I 'Embraced'

There was a post on Facebook by my friend, the wonderfully vocal Kim Spencer from Crown Yourself, late last month that *really* stuck with me. She was posting about Embrace the documentary by Taryn Brumfitt and the founder of the Body Image Movement. Well, last week I finally got to see a screening of the documentary and I think I cried the whole time with how many moments the film actually hit home for me.

Taryn Brumfitt is an Australian mother of three, whose whole motivation behind The Body Image Movement was the perception her children will have of her, and of themselves or other women if she can’t even love her own body. The powerful message she spends 90 minutes going over in substantial detail comes down to finding out why women all over the world LOATHE some parts, if not all, of their bodies.

“I went through anxiety and depression from hating my body.” - Stefania Ferrario

Interviewing numerous women (Ricki Lake, Mia Freedman, Turia Pitt, Stefania Ferrario, Renee Airya, Jade Beall, Melinda Tankard Reist, The Bearded Dame) and showing statistics on screen (91% of women hate their bodies), she gives reason why “your body is not an ornament” and attempts to show why it’s “the vehicle to your dreams”.

There were several moments that struck a chord with me, but I think one of the most influential minutes of the film for me was when she interviewed (a mother in a red dress). She expresses the following sentiment:

“In an ideal world, I wouldn’t have to constantly play, uh whats the word? Damage Control. I feel like I’m putting out a thousand fires everyday… I’m drowning in a sea of media.”

Growing up, I think as early as age ten, I hated how large or round I was. I took note of how I had a 'kangaroo pouch' underneath my belly button. I noticed in the 4th grade that other girls my age had flatter tummies and i had a roll. That's when I believe it all started. Where I would cry to my mother and throw tantrums in the Limited Too in the mall because things were too tight and I wanted to leave, never to shop for clothing again. It didn't help my self esteem when I was put on Adkin's (even though I was being 'helped' by having someone manage my food intake and weight). I hate to "make my mother the bad guy", because she would see me cry and her heart was ultimately in the right place, but it was very apparent that I did not look like her when she "was my age"; that if I could "just stop eating us out of house and home", I could ignore her snide comments and be thin, pretty and happy. That I had a "pretty face"... being thin became a vessel of which I constantly sought out her approval, to be thin and 'pretty'. To this day, she still hears it as a compliment when she says I fit better into a dress than I "used to", rather than I simply look nice or even that I was smart for an accomplishment outside of my attractiveness.

After seeing the film, I realized that I constantly feel the same way – I feel as if I have to run interference between myself and these images or even my own worst critic - ME. I play the angel and devil on my own shoulders, and it’s exhausting. It wasn’t so much that I’m upset with society for having the schema that makes it so we have these insecurities about ourselves, it’s the fact that I simply want to be happy with what I have while I have it, and that I’m not.

The fear isn't that I'm not good enough for anyone else - it's am I good enough for MYSELF?

I have had SO many times in the last 20 years where I’ve looked in the mirror and cried; where I’ve felt like my mind, my soul, were trapped inside this particular physical body and that the outside didn’t match its insides. The person in the mirror, that’s not ME.

“I wanted to get an eating disorder, I wanted to get anorexia” - Stefania Ferrario

Another moment that stood out for me was when Jade Beall, a self-love activist and photographer, was interviewed. She said, “It’s a process – It’s practice. It’s like Yoga, you have to practice it to [get better]. Practice seeing yourself in many different lights…” and actually begin to believe it.

The thing that I’ve been striving to write about for the last few months on The Soaring Swine is that however you look, the only thing that matters is how you see yourself – why I said that Re-Framing the Gaze was so critical. I’m not here to tell you to hate your body, and you need to change it – actually, the opposite. I want to love MY body, and I want to be the best version of myself. That includes HEALTHY and HAPPY. To be healthy, I have to exercise and eat right, and to be happy, I have to love myself unconditionally just as I am – EVEN if that includes a few stretch marks or extra skin.

I suggest you find where you can see a screening of this movie and go now. It was wonderful and shed so much light for my own personal growth.

I've been criticized for posting revealing photos and those that show my progress along my journey. I'll never forget one time, a past friend mentioned that her husband was surprised my then-boyfriend 'allowed' me or supported me posting said photos. "I'm sorry, are they of his body? I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to do what I want with photos of ME" is what I wanted to say.

After years of self-body shaming, and hating the extra skin I've EARNED after losing 80+lbs, I am 100% absolutely DONE giving a crap about what people have to say and what their opinion is of MY body and what I choose to share or not share. I love my body for what it is capable of. It's taken me a long time to truly say that I love my extra skin, but it's a badge of honor! It shows what I'm capable of accomplishing and what I've been through in the last three years. 

  “And so began this journey. This unwavering desire to teach, educate and shout around the world that loving your body can bring you happiness and by learning to do so, change lives forever.” – Taryn Brumfitt

Download Taryn's eBook on how to get to the Body Positivity movement yourself! CLICK HERE for the first three chapters for free!

How To Boost your Metabolism

That was my biggest question when I first started out three years ago. My metabolism seemed to be stalled or that of the speed of a turtle. I had been eating pizza, and practically anything I wanted without minding portions or physical activity, so I had absolutely no idea where to start. So: 

“How do I improve my slow metabolism?”
 

 Like I said in The Final Straw and 5 Weight Loss Myths You Need to Toss, I was on weight watchers and still had poor habits. I was working with my trainer, and unless I began taking a look at other factors, there was no way I was going to make any progress.

What changed it all was when I took a look at how to manage my caloric intake per meal and output per gym session (my friend is currently testing this theory and data with a burger a day lol). Once I started eating six meals and drinking over 100 ounces of water a day is when I truly began to notice a difference for my body.

So how does one rev up their metabolism? I’ve compiled a list of things that worked for me, someone with no known thyroid issues, below:

1)      Eat 5-6 Small Meals a day, including breakfast no later than an hour after you wake up

Now the thing here is that there have been studies done where the number of meals you eat per day doesn't really matter. IN FACT, the study showed that people who ate this many meals a day actually ate MORE than what they should have. The key point is to watch caloric values and intake per meal, regardless of the amount of meals you eat per day. The upside to this number? The longer you wait between meals, the hungrier you get. ““After about 3 hours without food, blood sugar begins to fall. And after 4 hours, your body has already digested whatever you sent down earlier,” says Cleveland dietitian Amy Jamieson-Petonic, RD. “Once you’ve crossed the 5-hour mark, your blood sugar begins to plummet, and you grab whatever you can to refuel.” She says that’s why we need to eat breakfast – after about eight hours of sleep and without food, we need that boost to get us going.

2) Make sure there’s plenty of protein in your meal

Ensuring you’re eating enough protein doesn’t ONLY make sure you have a balanced meal, it helps your muscles recover from your workouts and maximize the body’s muscle production. “People who ate [up to] 30 grams of protein at breakfast lunch and dinner saw more muscle protein synthesis—or the building up of muscles—than those who ate less at breakfast and loaded up on the nutrient at dinner, according to a study last year in The Journal of Nutrition.” My advice is just to make sure it fits within your daily/meal intake of calories and protein grams especially if you’re tracking your macros.

Click HERE for 10% off IdealLean Protein

3)      Drink half your body weight in ounces of water a day and NO Booze!

When you sweat, you lose tons of electrolytes and other elements (potassium, chloride, and sodium, to name a couple). They say when you start to feel thirsty, your body is already feeling the effects of too little water and mild dehydration. Health USA’s Yuri Elkaim says “The first thing you need to do is calculate how much water your body needs at rest. That's working at a desk, puttering around the house, reading and doing all of the other things you do throughout the day. This is your bare minimum water requirement – what your body needs to function. The basic equation for determining this is by dividing your body weight in half.” He goes on to explain that if you’re active, you need to drink an additional 30 ounces, and maybe add a teaspoon of sea salt for electrolyte replacement. Yuck, just get something with electrolytes added, like my favorite hydration tool, Nuun.

As far as alcohol, it’s empty calories with zero nutritional value. It slows your metabolism (for long long LONG term drinkers) and impairs the body’s ability to absorb nutrients. They say in certain studies that one glass of red wine is ‘good for you’ but so is dark chocolate… in moderation. You can’t expect to reach your goals seriously if you drink like a college sorority girl (which, I’ve been)! It will do nothing but help you reach your goals *faster* if you pass on the cocktails since most are loaded with sugar and disrupt your sleep – two factors that are important to your journey.

4)      Eat *Healthy* Fats

Anyone that ever told you Low-Fat anything was better than the full-fat version of it was WRONG (see the explanation here). *Many* foods low or void of fats are mainly high in sugars, refined carbohydrates, and calories. If you look at the last 25 years and read myths regarding the Low-Fat Diet fad, you’ll find that obesity doubled in America since it began. You NEED healthy fats, aka fats that are unsaturated (mono and poly), like extra virgin olive oil, nuts, and avocados in your diet to help you manage your mood, mental balance, fight fatigue AND – whoa! – control your weight. Our brains are 60% fat, so it’s *vital* to our body’s physical function to have and absorb healthy fats. The answers aren’t to CUT the fat out – it’s to make the best choices for your body.

5)      Spinach, Cinnamon, and Cayenne are the secret ingredients

Spinach has a lot of fiber, iron, and calcium to support muscle performance. They say three servings a day increase fat burning by 30%, maximizing the benefit. Cinnamon controls your insulin levels and has the ability to alter your carbohydrate metabolism. The sheer consumption of cinnamon causes a metabolic reaction, similar to that of hot peppers, that requires more work and energy to burn more calories. Cayenne, a favorite spice, and pepper, causes your body temperature to rise and kick starts your internal AC, burning calories as it cools you down. Even if it’s just a pinch, it’ll do the trick.

6)       LIFT HEAVY SHIT

This one I cannot stress enough. The more weights you lift, the more muscle you’ll have. The more muscle you have, the easier it is to burn fat – EVEN AT REST. Yes, I said at rest. MyProtein says: “Often when people want to lose weight, they increase cardio and slack on their weight training. This is a big mistake, as maintaining your muscle mass will keep your metabolism strong, even if you are in a calorie deficit which you will be in when dieting.” Even Women’s Health online says that you’ll lose weight either way, but those who lift will convert six pounds of fat into muscle, thus displacing fat and fitting into their clothes better. I’ve never experience a whole body change like I did when I started lifting weights – I weighed the same, but could fit into my high school cheer leading uniform again. So, your answer to “Do you even lift, bruh?” should be “HELL YES”!

The thing that’s hard for me to really get behind (because I LOVE French bread and Cabernet) is that for women, 80% of this whole journey is in the kitchen and only 20% in the gym. You cannot out-exercise a bad diet, no matter what you do. That’s why I didn’t lose anything on weight watchers –I wasn’t eating right and was hitting a wall with the gym, mostly due to not lifting and spending 45 minutes on cardio a day.

Okay, so the takeaway here should be to watch your macros, eat protein at each meal, and lift. That’s what has worked for me. Every body is different, but if you find what works for you, stick with it. 

Why “You’re Too Sensitive” is a Cop Out

I’ve been reading up a lot lately about body-shaming and how to stop caring what other people think. It’s a household conversation for my boyfriend and I and it’s something I’ve been struggling with most of my life.  As I’ve said in a lot of my posts, my reoccurring theme it seems, is to love yourself and to accept yourself for who you are – that way, other people’s perceptions (or OPP, coined by the wonderful Dr. V) don’t affect you so much.

I recently watched this video: How To Stop Caring What People Think of You | 3 Simple Steps. In it, the narrator outlines three steps to get you on your way to accepting yourself, requiring NO validation from others and to help with these issues we all seem to share. He goes on to talk about how this is an innate personal trait of all of us, and explains that some of us are more susceptible to feeling like we require more validation.  The steps are: 

Step 1: Brainwash Yourself/Build Confidence
Step 2: Tune Out Disapproving People/Stay Away
Step 3: Apply It – Be Who You Are

The main principle of this video is obviously for self-help, but a part of me felt like I was being told I’m too needy for having issues with liking to be liked, or with my body image. It IS an inherent need in all people to be liked and for ANYONE to say that those feelings are TOO SENSITIVE or TOO MUCH is NOT good therapy. For those of you who have gone to therapy or are in careers where you’ve studied the basic principles of Psychology and Sociology, you know this already. For someone to be called “too sensitive” or “too needy” for expressing themselves or sharing thoughts with a trusted individual is what we in the school system would call “bullying”.

Frankly, I’m tired of it. I’ve been socially taught over the years to be ashamed of my body, my emotions, or generally of things that make those around me ‘uncomfortable’. I’m supposed to be ashamed of wanting to be liked? Those feelings occur naturally and without will!

“Why are you letting it get to you?”
 “You should really learn to control your emotions?”
 “C’mon, Jayce, build up your Teflon!”

All of these statements were things that insinuated that I was the offender in a conversation meant to help me. I was told that the reason I am so sensitive is because I ALLOW it to affect me, pointing the finger of blame at me, where those bullies don’t get punished or reprimanded for acting rude or arrogant for being intentionally spiteful.

The concept that people should take criticisms (especially ones of someone’s physical shape) with a grain of salt can be true, to a degree – a stranger can call me a name or look at me and say "you're fat" and YES, I have the power to either allow it to fester and water the seed they’ve planted OR I can choose to write it off as “that opinion doesn’t matter”. What happens, though, when it’s someone you care about? When it’s someone who’s opinion you respect and value it’s a little bit more difficult than that. The video goes on to explain that there’s a correlation between the personalities that don’t need validation, and those who do, relative to the amount of validation they receive; “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.”

Why is it that as a society, we shame those who need something, and praise the ones who don’t? Being an “easy target” shouldn’t be the true offender’s excuse, and it’s not moral to say that people who are “needy” should be looked down upon. If someone in your home was hungry and asked you for food, you’d give it to them – right? Not starve them… Unless you’re a selfish jerk. Same thing with this concept.

I also believe that we’ve become a country focused on not offending anyone. Which, is cumbersome yes, but it’s also relative to how many F@#$ we don’t give about being kind anymore. The sheer fact that our first reaction to hurting someone’s feelings suggests that it is the responsibility of the victim to accept the label and hurtful behavior rather than resist it. Instead of the “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” attitude, I’ve seen it become more and more now the “what can you do for me” or “hit me and I’ll hit you back” more selfish attitude. How have we resorted to 5th grade behaviors? Remember being called names in grade school? The bully always said “I was just kidding” or “they’re too sensitive”. Weren’t we taught back then that “It’s just a joke” wasn’t acceptable – so why are we still saying it now, as adults?

To me, that response shows that the bully became embarrassed or contradicted by a negative response towards their own vie for others approval of their joke. Since these bullies are not empaths or cannot hold the emotional range of what it felt like in a reverse role, they couldn’t appreciate the refusal to ignore the situation. They claim then that the victim is audacious to feel negative in response to it. THEY, then, were NOT validated either… Makes you think.

The third and final point of this video is really the only thing worthwhile for a teachable moment here. It says:

"Be as weird as you are. Be as crazy as you are, HOWEVER you are. When you’re yourself, you’re no longer straining to put on a mask… If you’re trying to be someone you’re not just to please people, you’ll begin to lose confidence in yourself…”

The whole video then becomes contradictory, as it says “There’s no use trying to… ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ or trying to fit in somewhere you clearly don’t belong”. That is the point I want you to take from my post. One of my favorite quotes about this is by Maria MacLachlan of Think Humanism. “Although it isn’t possible to know what it really feels like to be a different person or live in different circumstances and have different life experiences, it isn’t difficult for most of us to imagine what would cause us suffering and to try to avoid causing suffering to others.”

Philosopher Immanuel Kant said that a lot of what’s wrong with the Utilitarian ideas such as “do unto others” and our laws are simply because they rely on subjective morals. If some are only concerned with their own positive outcome, then maximization of the “good outcomes” for the great many become irrelevant.

Essentially, the basis of my rant on this topic was to show that if we could all simply be more accepting of people AS THEMSELVES then we wouldn’t need these videos that repeat cliché things labeled as “self-help” for those “who value the opinion of others too much”. We would all be genuinely more kind human beings, and accepting of all of our unique personality traits. What makes this world great – what makes this country great – is that we have so many unique people in it, from all areas of life with different experiences and different thought patterns than our own.

I'm PROUD of being "too sensitive"; it means I'm kind and cautious with other people's feelings and don't want to be hurtful on purpose. 

The bottom line? Don’t be a jerk.

 

How to Cut Out Sugar

I love sweets… I know, I know. But Jaycie, you can’t really indulge in sweets when you’re trying to be healthy, can you?”

I’m here today to tell you that you CAN

While on a ‘diet’ you cut out sugar, you restrict yourself and make yourself miserable. Like I said in a previous post How To Be Enough, we become slaves to our diets, rather than making it a lifestyle change and reconstructing our mind’s perception of what taste is and how that affects our waist holds a correlation.

We’re allowed whatever we want – IN MODERATION. That right there is the key to success, people. Moderation is my most successful piece of advice. I allow myself to indulge, and yet I still find that I’m healthy and have the energy to persist and my progress keeps moving forward, one day and pound at a time. I'm 100% positive that sugar is my downfall. That's why I made the suggestion for Bon Affair two weeks ago... and if you HAVE to have it, at least substitute is with natural sugars in fruits or substitute it with something that will satiate the craving. Don't deprive yourself. You've done that and it hasn't worked... at least, not well anyway.

If you restrict yourself, you find that you crave it that much more, then when your ‘diet’ is over and you become tired of it, you can’t control yourself, overindulge and then you’ve lost all headway. Once you adopt the lifestyle and realize that habits need to change forever, that’s when you can truly attain the goal you set out to achieve.

What I’m getting at here, folks:

I have ice cream at least once a week. I drink wine... more than I want to publicly admit ha ha. A friend of mine told me about this great ice cream brand called Arctic Zero. The two I decided to purchase were the pint of Vanilla Maple Ice Cream and the Chocolate covered Salted Caramel Popsicle, pictured left

They're flavorful, and gives you just the right amount of satiation to your sweets craving.

Like I said, though, always in moderation. If you eat all six bars from the box, it’s not going to do much service towards the lifestyle you’re trying to adopt and will set you back.

It’s a treat. That’s all.

Click this link here to see my personal favorite substitutions for sugar and what I eat when I crave it!  For more info like this, join my e-mail list HERE!

 

How to Be 'Enough'

Last Wednesday, I watched a video online shared by Love What Matters on Facebook and it really hit home. A lot of people see my weight loss and have mentioned how much happier I seem and how much healthier I’ve become. All of those things are true, but there’s still a lot of unearthed emotions and issues that are still deep down. I'm not 100% happy with myself and haven't been for a long time. It's an on-going lesson I teach myself every day, and I know there's never going to be a full-fledged recovery of my mental body image.

The woman in the video is Lesley Miller. In it, she goes on to describe her experiences, stating that at various ages of her existence she has had social and other self-inflicted obstacles that were charged with negative connotative emotions. She exudes confidence by exclaiming in her video that she's basically DONE putting her life on hold because she hasn't met her *unrealistic* goals of being a size she could physically never be. She explains such with one keyword: ENOUGH. That she’s never felt “thin enough, happy enough, confident enough”, and how it’s affected her in her 21 years. For anyone who has let the exact same things get to them... who's spent a majority of their lives hating and waiting, this post is for you.

I struggle with all of these things

No, I've never cut myself due to my body image, BUT internal self-degradation is the kind of cut that goes deeper than skin - it may not show a physical scar, but it most certainly leaves one, and one that doesn't scab and heal. It is absolutely empowering to see someone who I identify so closely with and seem to share all fears and self-doubts with be so incandescent with their self-worth.

My girlfriends and I were talking about it last Thursday, and we all agreed. Being your healthy self - you can spend that moment and be concerned, or you can BE and LIVE. It was said in that conversation "what you're trying to achieve will NOT make up" for the lost time of self-loathing you've put yourself through. Back in April, our friend group went to the Coachella Valley Music and Art Festival, and I was audacious with bringing an ElectricStyles light up bra. I was excited to wear it, but was deathly afraid to take off my sheer over shirt because of my extra skin. I'm standing there, and I'm clearly uncomfortable with the idea, deliberating whether or not to commit to it... and a friend says "Did you buy it for this?" Yes. "Do you have a boyfriend who supports you?" Uh... yeah. "Then that's all that matters - he sees you, all your imperfection, and it doesn't matter to him. It shouldn't matter to you then. So relax and have some confidence."

You have one life, and you're going to put off outings and scenarios because you don't look good in a bathing suit? It's more than that - it's about being healthy and making healthy choices or steps in the right direction at the end of the day. That's why my personal trainer used to say to toss my bathroom scale and to go by how you feel, how your body reacts to physical fitness and gauging your energy levels.

It inspires me

I hope this post does what this video did for me, and inspires you. I hope it shows you that there’s a whole reason to continue to do what makes you happy as it’s healthy and sustains a life worthwhile. It’s never been about the number on the scale anyway… at least not at this point of my life. It’s about being healthy. There is absolutely NO reason to be ashamed of scars, physical or emotional. It’s made you stronger and has brought you to where you are today.

Yes, it's a struggle to love the skin you're in - it's a daily one for me, but our bodies are the only ones we will ever get. Love it. In all its tender imperfection.

 

Mistakes: Why it's Okay to Make Them

I find it funny, that as I head into my office every day, something always seems to correlate between my personal life and what’s happening in the Athletic department at work. Lately, I’ve had a lot of reflection about my personal life, and it’s hard not to feel down on myself for mistakes that I’ve made. I was actually noted as having such strong guilt about things that were not even particularly my fault, but I assume it and own it. Call me negative or pessimistic, but I find a lot of fault in the things that I do or say and try desperately to stop myself when that 'Anxiety Train' gets rolling. I feel like sometimes I’m too preoccupied with maintaining my own idea of “perfect” and it messes up what is truly to be pure intentions.

Earlier today, while discussing an e-mail I sent without the proper attachment, my boss brushed it off and told me not to worry about it. That’s a difficult thing for my type of personality to actually do.  “Me – let something stupid I did go?  But people will be mad/angry/upset if I didn’t get it right…” Tell the inner critic to. Shut. Up! The only person punishing you is you. Humans make mistakes! All the time – not a single person in this world is perfect, and anyone who tells you different is lying to you and most certainly themselves.

Same goes for when you’re making progress towards a weight goal you’ve made, or trying to be a healthier, more fit version of yourself. The sheer fact that you’re doing it and are making a mistake means you’re trying; it means you’re doing something about a problem in trying to solve it. The only thing a mistake does is teach you how NOT to do something the next time. It’s not about punishing yourself or feeling slighted/embarrassed/insert negative emotion here; it’s about seeing that it isn’t the best outcome possible, and being motivated to change it. The only thing that should come from adversity or challenges is you trying to get better. Personal growth is the key – making yourself the best version of you, and understanding that all things in this life and all situations are lessons to teach you.

Other people’s opinions about your character or attempt to better yourself based on a mistake you’ve made (even if they’re multiple mistakes) shouldn’t bear any weight on how you see yourself. Those people are committed to misunderstanding you, and frankly, they don’t belong in your life if they continuously judge you for your slip-ups. Your blunder does not define you – your gracious ability to see it as a mistake, learning from it, and striving to do better is what defines you and your character; how much effort you put into making it right is what shows who you are.

Rise above the rest.  

 

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